006: why a mother pays her son a seven figure monthly salary

losing your edge, growing less financially independent, fearing you don't amount to anything

A senior private banker once told me his client started paying his son a handsome monthly salary.

‘Congratulations, he must be doing great things for the family business. Sounds like you have found your successor!’

The client didn’t smile. She just stared at her drink for a moment before looking up.

‘Quite the opposite actually. I pay him HK$1,000,000 a month so that he can keep his hands off my business.’

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Money solves many problems, but rarely the ones that matter the most.

The succession planning of the family business often runs roughshod over the hopes and dreams of each nextgen.

Whether recently returned or dutifully toiling within the family ranks, many nextgens share a common anxiety.

It’s not even about whether they think they are the designated successor or not.

“I worry I’ve lost my edge.”

“I feel less financially independent than ever.”

“I fear I may never amount to anything.”

Let’s unpack how a nextgen’s quest for legitimacy may be usurped by their family in these subtle ways.

losing your edge

Who holds the nextgen accountable for growth?

Customers, suppliers, and other external stakeholders usually bring the heat in an operating family business. Nextgens either survive or wither under the pressure.

It gets tricky when the family exits the business and transitions to a single family office.

Without external stakeholders, it falls on the family leaders to set expectations for their nextgen.

Should a family business be run like a high performance sports team, where there is no room for mediocrity?

An iron fist with unrealistically high standards, however, can sap the desire to be productive.

Or should a family business be run like a kindergarten, where there is plenty of room for experimentation and little expectation to perform?

Again, a long leash to experiment without oversight may breed complacency and entitlement.

(Writer’s note: At the single family office I work at, we value stability and loyalty. Most of our staff have been with us since my grandfather’s days. They are likely working the last job of their lives.

For all the other hats I wear, I value growth and long-termism. It’s betting on long term secular trends, like the growth of asset management and education industry in Hong Kong, and building long term relationships with key players in these sectors.)

growing less financially independent

A family business is where many nextgens grow less financially independent.

This only becomes a problem when family leaders use money to control other family members.

Many Asian patriarchs, for example, reward their children handsomely for the first grandchildren they produce.

That’s why many nextgens I know prefer not taking a single penny from the family and choose to work outside of their family business because of this.

Morgan Housel’s philosophy of true wealth is relevant here:

Wealth is not about how many digits in your bank account, but about the ability to do what you want, when you want, with whom you want.

For healthy families, however, nextgens ought to balance this spirit of self sufficiency with a sense of belonging to the family.

(Writer’s note: For me, I was blessed to have a family supportive of my aspirations and transitioning to a platform where different family members can pursue their own interests.

The past five years working for the family office has been instrumental in forming a robust network of asset owners, service providers, and investment opportunities. As it turns out, someone outside of my family was willing to pay for it too!)

fearing you don’t amount to anything

A family business is where many nextgens fear they never amount to anything.

Did the founding generation cast a shadow too great and delivered an act too tough to follow?

Thankfully, the tasks for nextgens always looks the same:

1. Protect the wealth

2. Grow the business (until it is sold, which goes back to task 1)

3. Craft the legacy

We as nextgens must pinpoint our unique contributions within these broader needs of the family.

I have previously highlighted four areas that can launch high growth careers inside and outside your family business.

(Writer’s note: For me, I’ve spent the past five years helping my family invest like the best. Here’s to the next five years building businesses serving nextgens like myself.

My mission is simple: empower every nextgen to conquer their quest for legitimacy!)

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