003: is family worth fighting for?

Jan 25, 2026

I used to argue with my dad a lot.

Five years ago, when I first joined the family office, I observed most people around him speaking rather nicely to him.

Very few people around him spoke their mind. Perhaps there isn’t a strong financial or social incentive to do so.

I thought I would take advantage of my status as his son to push the envelope.

I quickly regretted it when conversations began ending like this.

‘You don’t speak to your father this way. Have some bloody respect!’

the 24/7 onslaught

Boardroom discussions carried over to dinnertime conversations that often ended with me in tears.

In the throes of self-pity, frustration, and fatigue, I felt

Will it ever change? Do I even belong here?

The crux of working in any family office is never managing the office.

It’s managing the family.

To my fellow brothers and sisters working for your dads and moms (or are about to!), I find these reminders helpful:

A trusted family advisor once told me: ‘We can’t choose the families we were born into. All we can do is play the best out of the hands we have.’

It’s no use dwelling on my perceived injustice and feeling sorry for myself.

I am not a victim and my dad is not a villain.

Most of the time, I do a great job tolerating my dad’s temper.

It got too much once, so I complained about his anger management issues.

(Note: never bring up anger management issues to someone while he or she is angry.)

In a remarkable moment of clarity, my dad told me:

‘Why can’t you tolerate my imperfections? Don’t I tolerate your imperfections?’

I say I used to argue with my dad a lot, because I no longer do.

Perhaps I just got a lot better at managing upwards.

(Let’s compare notes on managing our fathers. Or mothers. Or father-in-laws. Or any family elder for that matter!)

But perhaps I started wanting to become more than just an allocator of the wealth passed down from my grandfather.

I want to become a steward of my family’s legacy that will endure across multiple generations.

What does that entail? I don’t really know, to be completely honest.

But that feels like something worth fighting for.

See you next week!